Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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