I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
