My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
