Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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