Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
