You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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