I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
