Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
