I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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