It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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