It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
