im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
honey bunches of taint.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
