Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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