Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
