She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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