They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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