I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
