holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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