Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Help. Why am I so naked?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
