I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
