i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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