can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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