i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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