Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
