Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
