he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
two words: eviction party
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
