I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
