Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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