then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
