I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We have started to decorate penises.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize