She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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