Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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