Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
