I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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