she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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