I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
