Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
