i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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