dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
