You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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