I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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