I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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