if i can run in heels then i can drive
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She bit a glass in half.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
