And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
