so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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