After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
