well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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