the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
