Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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