Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
