don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
