After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
