speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
