I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
