Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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