I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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