Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize