Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
