Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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