Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
