I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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