let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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