Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize