I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
