At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
