Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize