My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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