i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
