Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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