well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize