dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
