she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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