actually, I'm a sock model
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
